Friday, February 22, 2008

Settling


What does it really mean to settle? For a woman in 2008 it is practically a crime if we are caught settling. To Settle for a guy that is "less than we deserve" or is NOT a perfect match. But how does one really know? How do you determine the difference between Not Good enough and asking Too much!? A wise woman (aka my sister) once told me..."every expectation is a premeditated resentment!" Therefore, if we have countless expectations for our men to be exactly what we want & need, how can we ever be satisfied?! Please advise on the difference between settling and just accepting the reality of MEN!

3 comments:

Maria Grace said...

I think we do need some basic expectations (my actual quote is 'expectations are premeditated resentments') of our men. I just think sometimeswe expect a man to go so far above and beyond for us, and then get all disappointed when he doesn't meet our expectations- even if he is a great guy.

I agree-don't settle for a loser, or for 'potential'. However expecting perfection is never gonna work.

Anna Rose Zuniga said...

Hmmmm...I don't know how much my comments on this will be of value considering I am the one who is about to walk down the aisle. However I must share. I heard some advice a long time ago that benefits me to this day. Don't give God expectaions. Just expect great things from God.
He is the one who knows the greatest depths of our hearts and the "perfect match" for it. Am I right? He would never want us to "settle" for anything less than what He created it for. I do think women do settle quite often, not out of ignorance or naiveness, but simply because they have been convinced that the ideal of their heart doesn't exist. It doesn't mean however, that the MAN God has created you for won't have imperfections. They will be the faults and shortcomings we are called to love and be patient with. It works both ways. This is when you can really walk with eachother to heaven. Lets not forget God's ultimate hope is our holiness...Forgive me if I am too idealistic. I will have to report back after 5 years of marriage:P But for now I am a proud believer in the "ideal" of love.

Ruth said...

my 2.5 cents on the wonderful world of settling----first, i do think every NOT voiced expectation is setting yourself for resentment. its ridiculously unfair to make these wonderful expectations in our little heads and then wait for the man to fall on his face (because he has zero clue that have set up pass or fail traps) and then when he hasnt read our minds---we pounce!!!! I pounce!!!!! (this is one of my personal fav pasttimes:)

i'm with anna though, and this is coming from the gal that was 8 weeks away from walking down the aisle and then went sprinting the other way!!!!

we were made to love and for love. the real shit. not the bullshit.---

living with my sister, maria and her hubby a one and only mr. andrew bremberg---has been a great example of two people that did not settle. they embody "two peas in a pod"---aaaahhhhh that is what i'm waiting for...for the feeling of "wow. we are two peas in a pod"---i just talked to maria about this post and she said "if andrew didn't set expectations for me and vice versa..how would we push each other in holiness??? that is the goal. that is what we are called to. to die to self...i know andrew will fail, i will fail, we aren't Jesus!!!! but its the constant pushing of each other, setting expectations and striving to die to self for each other"

she says this as she is nursing one bambino--cleaning of the puke of another, meanwhile andrew has the 3rd at the park---its a beautiful thing.

as for me, in the dating world, we all know and love----i'm setting the bar high--no limbo land--
it is not asking too much for a lot of effort. period...that is where women start to settle--when we start to think, i'm asking too much...ummmm, NO. that is hardly ever the case. and here's the kicker--im not going to beg. borrow. and steal to make a man step it up--he's doing it on his own..there will be no "please take me out....or please buy my flowers...or please remember to do something sweet for my birthday...or please ask about my family...etc" HECKKKK NOOO--they should want to. soak up every minute we give them. cant get enough. period.

this high bar will either land me in the world of bliss and peas in pods or a one bedroom loft for life!!!! and i for one am perfectly happy with that!!

i think i got off topic---on first cup of joe---not hitting on all cylinders yet!!!